Who is responsible for the violence?

The perpetrator is always responsible for the domestic violence. The perpetrator has a choice whether or not to use violence, when they choose to use violence they are responsible for it and should be held accountable. There is no excuse for domestic violence. Perpetrators can choose not to use violence and adopt relationships built on trust, honesty, respect, equality and fairness.

Despite what a perpetrator may say the victim is not responsible for the domestic violence. Perpetrators often blame their victim for their behaviour or to excuse their behaviour. Perpetrators can convince their victims that they are to blame for the domestic violence. By blaming other people or previous experiences for causing the behaviour perpetrators are avoiding taking responsibility for their actions.

Often children who have witnessed or experienced domestic violence feel responsible for causing it, blaming themselves. It is important to reassure children that the behaviour is not their fault.